He Was Ready. I Wasn’t Sure I Was.
I looked at my son in Portugal and felt an overwhelming sense of pride. Not because of something he had accomplished. Not because he had graduated high school or turned eighteen. I was proud of the way he carried himself in the world.
For eighteen years, I had been raising Jacob to become an independent man. Now he was standing in front of me as one. This trip was my way of honoring the chapter we were closing and the one we were about to begin. Two uninterrupted weeks together before college, before our everyday lives changed, before I had to learn how to be the mother of an adult son. And apparently, I still had some learning to do.
There was a moment in the water when I got nervous and treated him like a child. He called me out on it. He had the situation under control. I was the one who needed to adjust. Later, I apologized. I told him I was learning how to let him be a man and an adult, and I asked him to give me some grace while I figured it out. That’s a strange part of motherhood. You spend years teaching your child how to stand on their own. Then one day, they do, and you have to learn how to stop reaching out to steady them.
Portugal gave me the chance to watch Jacob without needing to parent every moment. I watched him meet people, navigate unfamiliar situations, ask questions and experience the world as his own person. We laughed over half-packed suitcases. We sat at dinner long after the food was gone. We talked about everything and nothing. I wasn’t just spending time with my son. I was getting to know the man he had become.
Then, at dinner one night, Jacob casually called me his “net of stability.” I don’t think he knows what those words did to me. I grew up without much guidance or a plan. I had to figure so much out on my own. To know that my son feels secure enough to go into the world, take risks, make mistakes, even fail, because he knows he has somewhere safe to come back to felt like the ultimate gift. I had spent so much time wondering if he was ready. He was.
However, I went to Portugal thinking this trip was about Jacob entering a new chapter. Somewhere along the way, I realized I was entering one too. He gets to discover who he is outside the life he has always known. And now I get to ask myself the same question.
I want to travel alone. I want to experience the discomfort of being somewhere completely by myself. I want to see what happens when I step outside what is familiar and have only myself to rely on. I spent eighteen years preparing Jacob for the moment he would step into the world on his own. I just didn’t realize that when he did, it would be my turn too.
I can’t wait to get to know myself.
Love,
Make your home yours.
Every Luxure home begins with a conversation.